Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How naked do you want me to be?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
