Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
