just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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