every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
