I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
