so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize