I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
