worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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