I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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