To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
