saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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