everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
