70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
