No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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