I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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