remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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