Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
