Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
