Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
