I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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