Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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