The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
