I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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