WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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