Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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