I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize