well I can't set my house on fire every night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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