why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So much Jack, so little girl.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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