Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
