well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
