Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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