I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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