im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize