i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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