Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my poor anus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize