i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
