Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
