Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
