You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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