how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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