You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
