Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
