i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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