My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
