I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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