I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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