Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize