I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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