Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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