She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
