bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
