I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
