yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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