That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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