Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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