I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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