dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
