My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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