I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
