I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
