Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
