I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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