I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
