We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
