And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
