Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
