the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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