Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
