I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
