I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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